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Awesome List of Beer Related Quotes

Humorous Beer Quotes From Around the World

1. "...there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer." -Peter Richmond 2. "[I recommend]… bread, meat, vegetables and beer." -Sophocles' philosophy of a moderate diet 3. "A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion." -Jim Parker, on the importance of a healthy pub culture 4. "A little bit of beer is divine medicine." –Paracelsus, Greek physician 5. "A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience - except that it is soluble in alcohol." - Thomas Blackburn 6. "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." -W.C. Fields 7. "After drinking four Martinis, my husband turns into a disgusting beast. And after the fifth, I pass out altogether." - Anonymous 8. "All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." -Homer Simpson 9. "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -Ernest Hemmingway 10. "Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." -Winston Churchill 11. "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." -For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway 12. "An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer." -Confucius 13. "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." 14. "Beer does not make itself properly by itself. It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand." –Fritz Maytag 15. "Beer has food value, but food has no beer value." 16. "Beer he drank - seven goblets. His spirit was loosened. He became hilarious. His heart was glad and his face shown." - from the Epic of Gilgamesh, 3000 B.C. 17. "Beer is a wholesome liquor…it abounds with nourishment" –Dr. Benjamin Rush 18. "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin 19. "Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer - it has always been thus." -Peter Richmond 20. "Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods." -Bruce Carlton 21. "Beer will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer." - Freddie Freak 22. "Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health" –Thomas Jefferson 23. "Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink." -Whitstran Brewery sign 24. "Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working." -Harold Rudolph 25. "Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen 26. "Everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink." -W.C. Fields 27. "Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire." -David Rains Wallace 28. "Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world" - Kaiser Wilhelm 29. "Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them" - Queen Victoria 30. "God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?" -Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC 31. "He was a wise man who invented beer." -Plato 32. "I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer." -Abraham Lincoln 33. "I drink to make other people interesting." -George Jean Nathan 34. "I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion" -Miguel De Cervantes 35. "I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night" –Benjamin Franklin 36. "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -Frank Sinatra 37. "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." - Winston Churchill 38. "I never met a pub I didn't like." -Pete Slosberg, Founder of Pete's Brewing Company 39. "I think this would be a good time for a beer." (upon signing the New Deal, paving the way for the repeal of Prohibition) - Franklin D. Roosevelt 40. "I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two? - "Oh, there are no other two." 41. "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." –Joe E. Lewis 42. "I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." -Homer Simpson 43. "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - Tom Waits 44. "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs." -David Daye 45. "If love makes the world go around, then whisky makes it go around twice as fast!" - Compton Mackenzie 46. "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." -Deep Thought, Jack Handy 47. "I'm going to buy a boat... do a little traveling, and I'm going to be drinking beer!" -John Welsh, Brooklyn bus driver who won $30 million in the New York lottery 48. "I'm not so think as you drunk I am !" - John Squire 49. "It only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember whether it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." - George Burns

How'd you like the first 50 beer quotes? Here are some more.

50. "It was a natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer"- Ernest Hemingway 51. "Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow" -Cicero 52. "Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini..." - Mae West 53. "Sir, you’re drunk!" Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly." –Lady Astor and Winston Churchill 54. "Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop." -Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944 55. "May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out." -Old Irish Blessing 56. "May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead." -Old Irish Toast 57. "No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer." -John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough 58. "No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn." –Samuel Johnson 59. "Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." -Dave Barry 60. "Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, And proves the poor man's worth; It cools the body through and through, and regulates the health." -Anonymous 61. "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Unknown 62. "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W. C. Fields 63. "One more drink and I'd have been under the host." - Dorothy Parker 64. "One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn't live like the previous generation. It hasn't yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer." -Ron Klugman, SVP, Coors Brewing 65. "People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot." -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI 66. "Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into." -Don Marquis 67. "Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of good beer." 68. "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill 69. "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." -His reply 70. "The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who's drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck." -Warwick Franks 71. "The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." Richard Braunstein 72. "The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'" -Dave Barry, referring to the actor who played the Lone Ranger on radio 73. "The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer" –Ancient Egyptian Wisdom 74. "The problem with some people is that when they are not drunk, they’re sober.”-William Butler Yeats. 75. "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." - Jeff Foxworthy 76. "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." -Humphrey Bogart 77. "The roots and herbes beaten and put into new ale or beer and daily drunk, cleareth, strengtheneth and quickeneth the sight of the eyes." -Nicholas Culpeper 78. "The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink." -Rudolph Brand 79. "The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober." - Yeats 80. "There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better." -Stephen Morris 81. "They who drink beer will think beer." -Washington Irving 82. "This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption... Beer!" -Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Friar Tuck 83. "Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." -Catherine Zandonella 84. "We could not now take time for further searche or consideration: our victuals being much spente, especially our beere." - Logbook entry on the Mayflower, December 16, 1620 85. "We old folks have to find our cushions and pillows in our tankards. Strong beer is the milk of the old." -Martin Luther 86. "We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink" -Epicurus 87. "When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer." -Dave Barry 88. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -Henny Youngman 89. "Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis 90. "Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long." -Carl Worner 91. "Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown." -Medieval plea for pure libations 92. "Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine." -David Moulton 93. "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." -Dave Barry 94. "Work is the curse of the drinking class." -Oscar Wilde 95. "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but a the very least you need a beer."- Frank Zappa 96. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -Dean Martin 97. “ I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” - Frank Sinatra 98. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” - Benjamin Franklin 99. “Beer makes you feel as you ought to feel without beer.” Henry Lawson, Poet and writer. 100. “Beer…. a high and mighty liquor.”- Julius Caesar 101. “History flows forward on rivers of beer.” Anonymous 102. “I drink to make other people interesting.” – George Jean Nathan 103. “If a life of wine, women and song becomes too much, give up singing.”-Mark Schiess 104. “Let no man thirst for good beer.” – Sam Adams 105. “Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.”-Frederick the Great 106. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” –Dave Barry 107. “One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.” – James Thurber 108. “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver.” - by Jack Handy 109. “The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV.” -Homer Simpson 110. “The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”- George Bernard Shaw 111. “The human intellect owes its superiority over that of the lower animals in great measure to the stimulus which alcohol has given imagination.”-Samuel Butler 112. “There can’t be good living where there is not good drinking.”-Benjamin Franklin 113. “Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?” - Stephen Wright 114. “What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” W.C. Fields 115. “When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.” –Francois Rabelais 116. “When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading !!!” - Henny Youngman 117. “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” - Brian O’Rourke 118. “Work is the curse of the drinking class” – Oscar Wilde 119. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.” -On label of Founder's Breakfast Stout-Sean Connery (as James Bond) 120. "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."-George Carlin.

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